It was a cold Friday morning which was perfect to ditch the office, stay home, and hug my pillows while wearing a thick sweater and knee-high socks. I wanted to have a good day; no work, no social media so I don't bump into something that would spoil my day because “E no De hard these social media freaks to post provocative content,” I just wanted to binge watch my favorite show on Netflix and get some good rest.
I opened my mailbox at exactly 9:00am that morning while eating a bowl of cereal when a new mail with the subject “I’m not the bad guy” caught my attention. My initial reaction was “Is it me that's now the bad guy?” but I wasted no time opening it because I was curious to know its content and who this person who claimed not to be “the bad guy” was. I did not expect to get a follow-up on Imani’s story I posted weeks ago as I had never received a follow-up on any story I posted in the past so you can imagine my surprise when I read its content.
Dear Ada,
I'm not the bad guy but I feel I should set the record straight about the story you posted. I shouldn't even be doing this but I felt compelled to write you after I saw the post had gone viral and even though people don't know it’s me, they have dragged me to filth and called me all sorts of names.
I admit that I treated Imani terribly at some point during our relationship, but I'm not the monster she painted me to be. My actions (though extreme) were triggered by certain things she left out in her narration, so I'll tell it as it was, but I will be brief.
You see, Imani, and I met through Nedu, a mutual friend as she rightly stated and it felt like a fairytale at first. I thought I had finally met my wife when we decided to give it a shot. She was a good woman and still is (I’ll always give her that), Imani had my love and anything else she wanted and knew it because I made sure she came second to none. She carried herself with grace and that got me more attracted to her; she knew how to hold a man down.
We can both agree that people don't wake up one morning and change from what they were to a bad version of themselves, something usually prompts it and it's no different in me and Imani’s case. Things were going well at first until I began to notice and complain about certain things she was doing, things she didn't explain in detail to you. For starters, she did not know how to set boundaries, she told her friends every single thing that happened in our relationship and I was not cool with that—I like my privacy and hate having people in my business which she was aware of. I once asked her if she told her friends everything but she responded that she only told them the things she felt they should know but from my findings, she told them more than things they should know. I understand women like to update their friends “in the girl's group chat” but come on, we should keep our business to ourselves. I didn't even tell her that one of her friends followed me on Instagram and kept sending me messages which I never responded to.
Still speaking about boundaries she constantly got Nedu involved in our relationship without my consent. Nedu is my guy but I didn't like that he always knew what was going on between me and my woman. She went as far as visiting him from time to time so I felt I had to restrict her movement which I regret. I've gone through a major heartbreak in the past that almost wrecked me so the lies, deceit, and manipulation I endured caused me to think Imani and Nedu were trying to play a fast one on me hence the phone cloning problem. I spent years building my peace and sanity to get to where I was emotionally so I had to take actions to maintain it, actions that I realize were extreme. For these issues, she caused a bridge in trust between us.
About the death threat, I explained to her that I didn't mean it but only said it to scare her into not leaving me which I never should have done. She was not my slave, neither was she bound to me.
To the most heartbreaking part: I spent a week getting over the fact that Imani aborted our baby as I read in your post. I was hurt, she knows I would never have let her do that. I didn't know how to feel at first because of what she did but I've come to terms with it and can understand her reasons.
I’m not a bad man and Imani knows, I also take responsibility for my actions. As much as I don't appreciate her putting our entire business out there, I understand she was hurt and I forgive her but hope she creates strong boundaries around her like I always say. I have tried reaching her but she has blocked me everywhere.
I hope she sees this, I hope she knows that I loved her with all my heart and still do.
“Nawa o” was the first thing that escaped from my mouth after staring at my phone in silence for a minute. Maybe this Dubem guy is genuine or maybe he wants Imani back to finish her off and give her a stroke perhaps, I don't know. I'm not an advocate of love, I do not try to match-make people nor do I reconcile broken relationships but Imani and Dubem opened my eyes to the dynamics of love and relationships—it’s never perfect and takes two trying people to thrive. If she wants him back she knows what to do. Whether or not they get back together is up to them and I hope they make the right decision.
Maybe, just maybe I would open my heart to a HEALTHY love with someone, sometime...